Oof. That was a tough sentence to write out. My littlest babe just had his first birthday and although he’s currently experiencing many firsts I feel like I’m probably experiencing all my lasts. It’s weird knowing that this is likely the last time I’ll get to go through all these milestones. 

All week leading up to his lion-themed birthday party (he rawrs like a lion every time he sees one and he’s a Leo ;)), I kept thinking, “This is it. This is the end. Our last meal with a baby. Our last walk in the park with a baby. Our last song goodnight with a baby. The last time I order a delicious ice cream cake from Just Chill by Jess for a baby (seriously, go follow her, the cake was amazing and totally customized) Our last shopping trip with a baby” I’m not going to lie, it crushed my spirit a little. My mama heart broke just a bit. No one ever tells you before you become a mom how you’ll have these moments often. Moments of longing so much for the baby they once were while at the same time wanting to see what they’ll do next and feeling so much pride for how far they’ve come. It’s confusing and the weight of it feels so heavy because you know each moment is so important. How many times has a well-meaning older relative told you to “cherish it” only to go on and on about how you’ll look back and miss these times so much? Meanwhile, you’re in the trenches of new motherhood, just trying to stay afloat with a toddler and a baby who you love so fiercely and to whom you want to give the world. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before and yet, it’s depicted as the easiest job in the world. Most rewarding? Yes. But far from easy in my experience. 

In a huge way, I’m proud of my boys and I (and my husband too) for making it through our first year as a family of four. There were (and are) soooo many growing pains. And sooo many challenges that we overcame together. It’s a whole new way of living. I’m fairly positive I’m a whole new person. I’m so lucky to have a family and friends who gave me so much grace while I navigated 2 under 2. It was a party for us as much as it was for the babe. And once the party was over I realized that he was really only one day older than he was before. He may not technically be a baby now that he’s 12 months old, but he’ll always be my baby.

I took these cake smash and splash photos with the theme of nostalgia in mind. I was sad that all of these lasts were happening for me and I wanted images that will serve as a bridge to the past, letting me connect with those emotions and moments that I know I’ll miss soon, anytime I want. I think that must be one of my favourite things about photography. It’s a sort of magic that allows you to go back in time and relive your favourite memories. It’s why I think photography is important.

It was an oddly emotional experience documenting my own son’s first birthday this way but I am so glad I did. And I mean, common, can you get over how cute he is?!